Things are changing….

It’s been a busy week. A good kind of busy…

On Monday our lodger finally moved out still owinh £180 but he’s in his own home now. We spent monday and tuesday helping him as well as wednesday after work. It’s nice that he’s settled. Although our house is very very quiet now.

Thursday I made SO wake up early and paint his sons bedroom. I helped of course, and we cleared loads of stuff out of their. So he has his room, and it’s his and no one elses. It was some effort and hard work though. Got a little upset after though because SOs son was  moody about us messing around but it’s all resolved and I think he’s realised a day of messing around was worthwhile.

So we took him and his GF shopping today. IKEA…. spent £120. 🙂 admittedly about £20 was on cushions and little bits for me. They have new everything though. Bed furniture and everything. So they should have no reason to complain. I’m pretty jeal… they’ve got a lovely bedroom now… seen as they spend so much time in there it’s needed.

Doing that bedroom has kind of spurred me on to want to get the rest of the house done too. It really needs redecorating. Really really badly. It’s looking tired. Wish I had loads more money to buy new things. We all like new stuff. However I’m a pauper now. Until probs march. Just gotta be more careful this month.

I missed T today 😦 cause I had to go shopping and knew I’d not be home in time… that was hard. I can’t wait for next friday now. It’s not long now until the 13th too. We will have our hospital appointment and see if we can start hormone injections to help us have a baby. I’m hopeful, but dreading them saying no!! Terrified in fact. I’ll be distraught. Fingers arr crossed though.

It seems crazy that we’ve been trying to have a baby for this long now. I remember last January,  SO and me had started our 2nd lot of fertility meds. We were saying how we could be pregnant by the time we went on the break we’d booked. Stupidly excited. Obviously that didn’t happen. Maybe this is our year. I’d really love to be a mummy.

It’s crazy but it just makes me jealous knowing others have kids. Even my SO with his son. I love him to bits but he isn’t my child. I have no right to advise or help him. Or anything. It’s weird. I’m not massively keen on kids. So its crazy me wanting one but I van just feel a mass of love inside that should be directed somewhere but I am missing that thing I need to direct it at. If that makes sense….

Anyway. I guess thats that.

Bedtime. X




God don’t I know when someones been playing with our phone. I am however really impressed with their skill. I’m thinking, James maybe?

Beauty of DID.

I guess this picture represents us maybe….. it’s kinda freaky.


I had therapy on friday… its took me until now to even think about it really. It was tough.

We talked about my mum, and dad, as well as my sister. I’ve none talked about my relationship with them so much.

T hadn’t realised there was as much to tell.

She believes though that EMDR can help. Maybe it will who knows.

All I know for sure is that the more I think, the more I realise my family just didn’t like me. They just saw me as the bad one of the bunch. Thats hurts to know…. T actually said in session that she was glad I had cut off all contact with my dad.

Does that mean she was upset by what I said?? I don’t even know. 

Anyway, I’ll write more tomorrow.  If I have time, or want to….