So I realised even more so a yesterday that SO’s Mum really does care about my happiness and well being 🙂 I reminded myself that she listens to my wishes, whether emotional, or material. We were at her house and she was asking about Xmas, she asked me about Pandora bracelets. I showed her them on the internet then she said she wanted to get me one for Xmas. That I had to choose it though because there are so many charms she’d not be sure what to get. So I’m excited 😀 She gave me £200 to order one :D:D:D I cannot wait. I found a starter set I love today 😀 It’s the Pandora signature bracelet set. I love it because it’s nothing personal. So as my next Bdays and Xmas’ go by, people can buy me personal charms… That mean something rather than me just buying them for myself. 🙂 I so so so bad cannot wait for it to come. It will be hard handing it over to SOs Mum to wrap up. :0
It’s not just that though. The fact that she is handing me money to buy something I’ve wanted for a long time isn’t wants important. Her having heard my wish for it is. She values what I have said to her. It just makes me reminisce how she has shown that before! Last Christmas SO’s Mum was super supportive. I was really really struggling with anxieties and stuff, and seemed to revert somewhat back to child needs. I felt the need to be cared for, comforted and loved. Although I didn’t trust enough to receive those things, and accept them. Looking back though I definitely got those things. That Xmas SO’s Mum asked what I wanted. The only thing I did want was a teddy, as big as I could get! I don’t know why I wanted that, but that was my wish. Naturally SO’s Mum got me a teddy, as big as she could. It’s almost as big as I am. Despite this I slept with it for a month, until SO bought a smaller one, since then I hug the smaller one each night. Still very much love the big one though. It’s strange, me asking for a teddy, in size huge. That’s never something I’d want. Normally I’d pick something I can make use of or something that will benefit my home/family. I didn’t care that Xmas though. SO’s Mum didn’t either. She didn’t question buying her 23 year old daughter in law a huge teddy! She just did it. Like a Mum should. Maybe I was testing her? I don’t know. I believe I had a Child needs in that moment of my life, and I had a mother figure fulfill it. It wasn’t just the big bear that meant a lot though.
During that time I’d mentioned Elmer the elephant copious amounts of time to her, and SO. She’d heard me telling her how I felt about it, the story, and the meaning, how my child alter Jessie was obsessed with Elmer and elephants in general. She gave me a surprise gift on Xmas Eve. It wasn’t something big or expensive. It was a little grey TY toy elephant. On a bag clip. Honestly I almost cried. It meant she had heard me. She wasn’t just thinking about me, it meant she was understanding and accepting my DID! That meant so much I can’t begin to explain!
SO’s Mum has so much love and care to offer! Enough to make up for my Mum not being perfect I guess. Granted she’ll never be my Mother, but I can love her and accept her love and that’s okay. My Mum isn’t perfect, not at all. She is my Mum though. She may not listen, or even try to understand but she loves me, she brought me up, she gave birth to me.
I suppose today I just feel good.
I’ll feel good tomorrow too. I have therapy, and I want to go to SO’s Dads grave (we go a couple times each week) I have some flowers to put down. I’m gonna try get SO to buy some edging and pebbles to tidy up the grave, and make it look nice. It’s something I want to do, but SO doesn’t seem to want to. I don’t want to force him to, because it’s his Dads grave, not mine. We’ll sort it though, in time!
Anyway I gotta go. I have to be up early 😦 Bye