I hate buses!!! And because it’s rush hour, a 45 minute journey takes an hour and half. Grrr. Anywat, i just saw T.
Which is good. Although we didn’t do what i wanted to do. Because i wasnt even there half the session. An alter was.
It was an okay session. Think i need to rein in my weirdness though. At thie moment i can feel myself needing her! Well not her as such. Just comfort from her. But im unsure how best to get it.
Does that mean im becoming dependant on her? I hope not. i dont fele that i am. I just feel that something is lacking somewhere. And insiders want her to give that something. Although im pretty sure she cannot!!
I guess im just unsure. It’s difficult. I need to sort my head out though. I need to write or something to sort my feelings out and place them in some kind of order.
I joke with t that i want to use a noose on myself. I feel like joking about it is me saying help. But im not sure she realises. I dont wany to do it. But it goes through my mind. Over and over and over. I am stuck. I am not over it. I am just more able to hide the torment as time goes on.
Scratch the surface and paim just pours out. I guess i do a good job of looking okay!