I want the world to know that my Therapist is just the best!! Session today was brilliant. Hard but brilliant…. i hugged my Therapists hippo bear, and that was okay! It’s taken time for me to be able to. She didn’t make a big deal of it. Just carried on with processing. Hugging her hippo felt good. Like I had a piece of her. I am so pleased i was able to ask her for it.
We had a switch in session today. Mute did some memory work with T. She struggled. T ended up holding her hands whilst she did it, because when distressed she scratches my hands. I can kind of sense what happened. I don’t know how! Magic. I guess if it was easy to understand DID wouldn’t be so controversial. Mute was close to crying today. I could feel it when I came back. My eyes were heavy, but T said I didn’t and that’s good. Don’t want to be crying all over… I don’t know what T would do if i cried.
Jessie took some things to Ts today too. His Elmer bear, some pens, pictures, my perfume, and nail varnish, oh and our notebook. He was taking things we liked. I am glad he did although it was strange letting T see things that are mine from home. Almost like letting her into my other life! It was good to have them there though, and to smell my favourite perfume when we were processing because it did help keep me grounded.
It’s a good job I took them really. Especially with the things i’d written and given to her. Basically it was a list of things that happened. Things I feel unable to tell her. It was hard to give her that! As soon as I gave her it, I was switching and trying hard to fight against it. T knew that I kept going though. She’s good like that. Must be frustrating for her though having to explain herself over and over! She does it though…. Cause she’s brill!
Todays session was pretty good really. I felt safe and relaxed. Like I was okay there. I didn’t want to leave. I just wanted to stay sat there cuddling the hippo. It felt good. I pretty much had to force myself to let go and leave. T did offer for me to take the hippo until next session but I couldn’t. He is hers. I almost wish I had taken it now though.
Got a hug from T too when we left. Which wasn’t as weird as before. Although T laughed because she knows I clam up and don’t know how to hug her. Awkward but not as awkward and it was a nice end to the session.
I hope she remembers next week to fetch a story to read. That would be awesome. We want to hug her hippo and her read us a story before we leave next session. Instead of going back to a safe place with the buzzers. I think that would be nice and soothing.
I’m going to try getting into the habit of taking my bag with perfume and other bits and bats in. Just grounding tools I guess. To be honest though, just been able to see my bag, from home, was helpful.
So yeah. Today was hard but good. I realised again, that my T is amazing, and that my insiders are also amazing. Thank you Jessie for taking the right things, and to Mute for trying to work through that memory.
🙂 Good feeling.