I guess and update is way overdue….

I haven’t written much at all lately, my last update was the conversation ย with my Dad over Facebook. He never did message back. Then on the 2nd August I was in session with T, and we were talking about it, she was asking if I’d heard anything from him. Talking about him been ignorant to what i’d said frustrated me. So at that moment, I said I was going to message him again. T didn’t stop me, or tell me to think about what I was doing/saying. She let me do what i had to!

Here’s what I said to him…

Take it your still digesting! You are either guilty and have nothing to say or you still care so little about my wellbeing that you can’t accept why i am upset with you. Understand that whether you apologise or not you will never be forgiven because fact is you overstepped the mark, and i won’t ever forget that. It sickens me that you have continued as normal despite what i have told you. Have you no remorse at all? I just appreciate the fact that i now know what to be the exact opposite of as a parent…. just to add. From here on out you wont have access to me, via facebook or otherwise because it’s not necessary or helpful for me. I guess a thanks is in order for showing me through your ignorance that i don’t need to be sorry at all. P.s a reply is not needed!

I’ll be honest. Sending him that is the best thing I have done in years, because it’s right, I don’t have to be sorry or guilty. I was, but not any more! So I’ve removed him from Facebook, and he’s out of my life. FOREVER!!! He’s got no access to me, no contact. So I don’t need to worry about him anymore. I am free from him, and his hold. It’s not going to be easy solving the problems he’s caused, or getting over the mental issues that he caused, but I’m fortunate. I have my SO, his Mother, my dogs, even my own Mother to some extent I guess to support me. As well as my T, who know how i work, an understands how I process and work through things. I am lucky!!

Anyway enough about him…. So in August we went away to a caravan with SOs son and his GF. Only to Primrose Valley, which was full of kids and less than ideal! It was good to spend time with the ‘kids’ though. It was nice to be able to go too. No anxiety or anything ๐Ÿ™‚ Which I’m super pleased about. I knew it was gonna be 3 nights away from home but I was fine. So either therapy and pills are working, or I’m constantly switched to one of us who can handle stuff. Think it’s the former though. Anyway it was lovely walking along the beach, and having sand between my toes. It felt peaceful…. I was amazed at the kids, we were only there for 4 days, but they had fish and chips 5 times :O They’re the definition of crazy!! They reckoned SO and I were weird because we didn’t have any at all! They had a good time though. We all did.

10599116_10203565506991679_7576781166260364355_nย Fun times, with some actual sun…. <<Me and SO.

So more updates, well there has been some pretty good progress made in therapy. We have made some lists, of things we should work on. We are not rushing to get through it, just taking time. I decided to have session less often. We have moved them to every other week now. Although it’s been a bit all over the place this month. So i see her again on the 26th ๐Ÿ™‚ I keep thinking about trying to make some notes and etc of things i wanna talk about or work on, but never do. Not sure if it’s lazyness or fear?? I’ll get there though.

A happy update is regarding our new car ๐Ÿ˜€ The Audi TT. We love love love it!!! Last month SO got some money back from PPI. So we decided to spend it on the car. It’s had new wheels, exhaust system, full service/belts done, and an engine remap. So it’s running about 270-280 bhp now ๐Ÿ™‚ It’s amazing…

DSC_0017 DSC_0020

Looks amazing doesn’t it ๐Ÿ™‚

We’ve also had some updates regarding fertility stuff. I haven’t mentioned them to T. We went to the gyn, about 3/4 week ago now, and I have to say it upset me, a lot. She was talking about the Clomid I’ve tried, saying they were going to prescribe max dose for this cycle, but if that didn’t work then I’d probably have to try IVF. Which we have to pay for, and can’t afford. So basically she’s saying I’m not gonna have a baby!! Hence being upset! SO and I have decided though that we are just gonna totally dismiss what the gyn said. She wasn’t our usual fertility doc, and to be honest I don’t think she knew her arm from her elbow. So as it stands I had to take Leprozole, to induce a cycle, and once it started take the Clomid, but the dose has been raised to 100mg rather than 50mg. This cycle I’ve actually managed to get appointments with the ultrasound department. I’m booked for 29th september, and 6th October. I’ll be getting bloods done on the October one too. Basically the scans are to check that the Clomid is working. The first scans they will look for follicles, and the second scan will look for follicles and signs of ovulation. I’m keeping everything crossed that the Clomid is working!! I want to see follicles when we go for the scan. I want to know my body works!! Be nice to get pregnant too….. Fingers tightly crossed….

Anyway, for now i guess that’s about all i have to update with. Not super exciting but an update all the same…

Hope everyone I good.

Bonny and all.


7 thoughts on “I guess and update is way overdue….

  1. Hey guys, so good to hear from you. So well done for what you said to your father. Must have felt absolutely thrilling to be able to get that off your chest finally xx

    • Thrilling isn’t the word. Still totally beaming about it, although don’t get me wrong, some parts were and still are in turmoil around it, but we are working through it ๐Ÿ˜€ Feel good to be back here… I don’t know why i just tend to recluse every now and again…. Mind you, T said i’ve not been switchy for a cpl months, so i guess less switching means hiding in myself and being reclusive….. :/

      Anyway, hope you guys are all good had a quick look on your blog earlier not caught up on much but got you for sorting the receiving care (food) from Cat. Now thats progress… That you were willing to let that happen. I have difficulty even accepting a pen to use from T. To many of us feel that makes us seem like we need her. You are doing awesome.

  2. i am so happy for you about going NC with your dad. it is not easy, but it helps, a lot! I went NC with my mother at the start of 2008, and it has been the best thing for me. I have removed so much stress, anxiety, pressure, guilt and anger from my life just by not having her in it.

    and i am glad you had such a nice trip and no anxiety.

    fingers crossed for the clomid and you!

  3. Great updates guys. Have missed you. So glad you’re back. Well done on saying what needed saying to your dad! I’m sure he didn’t expect that at all. Sending hugs, hoping the fertility apts go well. XX

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