Today I have decided that infertility just sucks! We have been desperately trying, with docs input and etc since 5th July 2012. Almost 2 year! I’ll be honest it feels like an absolute lifetime! My friends and families babies are growing up, I’ve seen them arrive, crawl, walk, talk and I’m still here, just trying, and failing I might add!
Infertility is just a bitch! It is paining me from inside out so I have made a decision! I need a break from it. I am not worrying about it for a couple of months. I am not taking drugs to make periods happen, I am not taking drugs to make ovulation happen! I need a break. The stress is killing me. Never for one minute did I think having a child would be so stressful!
I am getting to a point where I despise seeing others with children they don’t appreciate, and where I try an avoid being around children I don’t know. It’s crazy, each time I hold my niece, or friends kids, I imagine how I would feel if they were mine, and it’s a beautiful thought, until that child cries out to it’s Mummy, and I know that’s not me. I just want to be a Mummy! My house is empty, my heart is empty, just waiting!
I keep wondering how long I am supposed to wait before thinking seriously about IVF! How long is long enough. SO and I had said next year, if it hadn’t happened naturally then IVF would be the way to go, but I’m not sure he still wants to do that. IVF is super expensive. Could I just not have a baby though? I don’t think so! I crave and pine for the feeling of pregnancy and birth! What am I supposed to do to make it happen?
Do I just not deserve it? Did my past cause this? Did genetics cause this?
Please each one of you with children, kiss and cuddle your child, love them, appreciate them, they are a miracle! Your life may not be perfect, but you have created life and that is nothing but perfect!!!
Time to go, feeling teary!!