I’m coming to realise that things will never be easy! Triggers are everywhere, a cold breeze on my leg just put a memory into my head I couldn’t remember before.
Maybe I have the answer to why here….
I just remembered something my abuser said to me after he had penetrated me. I was around 7 years old at the time. He finished what he was doing and said that he just loved to see a cunt (hate that word) stretched around his dick. Then for his dick to be shimmering and wet when he was finished. So is that why they abuse children? Because they like to see their penis in something too small and therefore stretching it?
I’m not distressed yet by this memory. It will come though. I guess I was expecting more so am more able to try ride with it and keep calmer about it. It hasn’t put me in a bad place.
I guess I already knew he was a bad person, this comfirms it and is I suppose a little insight into his logic! It sounds crazy but I wish I understood why they did it, what possesses them to do it? Maybe understanding is the key to stopping it. I wish it was. I wish child abuse could be stopped! All suffering ended! Wishes!!!
Anyway, on a more positive note everyone inside seems to be in a better mood with T. Child parts are really looking forward to the next session. I told them they could have some time with T if they wish, and that it’s okay! We don’t see T tomorrow, she’s off work, so not seeing her until next week. Which is a bit of a bummer but it gives everyone time to forget how much she upset them so thats good. They emailed T anyway. So it’s a good sign.
We asked T her favourite music, she said the smiths. I listened to them this morning, T likes some pretty dodgy music. They sound very out of it and really go with the flow people. Not what I’d listen to but it’s nice to have that snippet of Ts personality. So she listens to the smiths, likes to bake bread in her spare time and she has a fluffy cat. I know what its called too but its a secret. Starts with M. 🙂
I bet she is a easy to be around, easy going person outside of her work. I also reckon she can have a sharpness too when required that’s super scary cause it’s unexpected. Everyone with a kind face has that.
So yeah that’s that. It’s bedtime. We been painting to and more to do tomorrow. Freshening the house up 🙂 bye.