Friends visited today. With their kids Oscar and Theo. I’m glad they did because my mind is all messy and I am struggling to compartmentalise it all. I wanted to text T and tell her whats wrong but I don’t want to be a nuisance. I’d email but feel like I can’t do that.
Anyways it’s night time and sleeping that’s getting tough. I keep dreaming of being hurt. Seeing myself a child with torn up middles and stuff. It’s horrible. I’ve never dreamt this before but I dream of being myself as a little girl, touching cuts and grazes all over my middles and bottom. It stings and is really sore. It’s weird because I wake up in pain but it’s wet there. It’s not me wetting myself. It’s like my nightmares are arousing me. I wake up scared, in pain and sweating though so I don’t understand. How can it get wet there.
The nightmare terrifies me. I dream of being in a pain I’ve never felt since ever. Pass out kind of pain. Are these supressed body memories that the memory work is bringing to the surface? I don’t even know.
Should I text T and tell her whats happening? Or should I ride it out?
Also this morning I woke up to a picture. Someone has finally drawn a picture of a chair we were abused in. T asked us to do it in session but we couldn’t so they must have done it through the night. It was weird waking up to that picture after the nightmares I’d had. I think Nat must have drawn it.
I’ll take it for T on friday.