Okay maybe not lazy, but i have neglected my blog, and readers for a few days! It’s just been a busy time, with Christmas looming, SOs gran ill, and me being ill. It’s crazy. I’m finally almost done Christmas shopping though. I have bought barely anything for my SO :0 I’m so bad! I just haven’t really been that into the whole Christmas thing. I have got him a few bits though. Nothing like the gifts I’ve got him in the past though, but never mind. I’ll make it up to him. Maybe i can pull something out the hat before Wednesday!
Unfortunately SO’s gran is still bedridden and very poorly. It is just a case of waiting now! It is difficult seeing her the way she is! SO’s families Christmas is kind of on standby! May or may not be happening. It’s totally dependent on Miriam.
If the Christmas party happens SO understands that i may not feel able to go! So i’m not having to be overly anxious about having to go because it’s okay if i can’t. It is good not having to worry about it! A weight off my mind.
It seems that this season has really brought me down, and more anxious, I am finding myself struggling to leave my house. The prospect of having to is almost frightening. I don’t know whether it’s just Christmas season that is putting me in a bad place or i am getting worse! I had to go Christmas shopping with SO on Tuesday! for the first hour it was horrible until i finally managed to calm myself down. It really wasn’t a pleasant experience. Neither was having to leave the house for work today. I do have to keep forcing myself though! I don’t want to become agoraphobic. I don’t want that at all. I have therapy on Friday afternoon. Hopefully i’ll get there this week. I will get there!
I have written a not for T. About my anxiety! That note will getting given to her on Friday, whether by my SO, me or whoever. She will receive it. It is important that she gets it. We have to do something about this damn anxiety!
It making me an insomniac too! Sleep is so hard!!!! Anxiety is life crushing. It has changed me. It makes me unable to function fully. I do not enjoy being this way. I am missing out on normal things. I am spending too much time worrying about stupid things that others can do without a second thought. I am pushing everyone away, Friends, Family, Everyone. Even not blogging as much!
So i am making a rule for myself. I have got to reach out to someone. Everyday! I have to text/chat to someone at least once, every single day. That is my rule.
Hope everyone is well.