So i woke up today thinking, okay so i don’t see T today, what can i do instead. My SO went to our friends to help Tarty do some DIY stuff. So i decided that with the house to myself i was going to get laundry done and clean this house. I don’t think i did too badly.
I’ve washed the dogs beds, washed our winter coats, washed SOs sons bedding, and I’ve put last couple weeks laundry away! I’ve also cleaned my kitchen. Bleached all of the cupboard doors and given them a good clean. Washed all the dishes and dried them. Vacuumed round, cleaned glass furniture in my sitting room. Now i am waiting for the groceries to arrive. So i can make some dinner, before i have to putting the bedding back on SOs sons bed and sort the rest of the clothes out.
Despite keeping myself busy it still felt strange not going to see T.
I got the longer reply from T i was waiting for too. She says me blaming myself is a maladaptive belief. I’m not sure how to take this. I feel like i have in fact adapted very well! I’m left confused by this. I will ask T when i e-mail her. Maybe she didn’t mean it how I’ve read it! She did at least say she understood my logic in my belief over where blame for certain things lie. Which is something i guess. She also says i have every right to be angry at my parents, but i don’t feel angry! I can’t be angry, i am just upset! I know it seems weird but i’m sure my T wants to try make excuses for my mother being the way she is. That annoys me. I think she wants to give her an excuse so i feel better about it. Maybe. She said as a child i was maybe trying to understand and gain mastery over the world i grew up in. WTF is that supposed to mean? That’s stupid.I don’t know whether my ability to understand her is impaired, or whether she has just been trying to think to hard how to word it that she worded it totally unnaturally! It’s weird.
I plan on e-mailing her back at some point. She’s away until Sunday, so no point doing it yet because she’ll be too buys to reply. I may just copy paste what i wrote here. Hmmmm.
I hope my shopping arrives soon. I’m hungry.