Just to summarize…

What a long day, being woken after what seems like only minutes of sleep by my SOs stupid alarm, then taking nearly two hours to manage simply getting out of bed. I haven’t even got dressed today. I don’t even care. Fuck what society says i should do. I’ve listened to music most of the day, and am listening again now. I only stopped because my friend came with her kids whilst my SO went to collect fireworks for tomorrow. Then i made us all some food. It was pretty rubbish, but i don’t really care all that much. Me and friend had a random chat! Just been normal for a short period of time. They went a little while ago, so yeah, here i am again. Listening to music. I don’t know what i want to listen to! I’m kind of in a racey music mood, but with singing and stuff. Not just stupid trance or something. I don’t know what will satisfy my need.

My alter parts are enjoying the music. Loudness helps them relax. I always play through earphones too so i can try block out the world a little. This is my bubble.

I am seeing T tomorrow! Have no idea what i am going to say. I don’t know how she will bring me out of this state i am in. It’s stupid because another part will probably take over, say everythings fine, the moment has passed. Meanwhile i’ll be fantasising about gaping cuts and scratches, because yet again i have let my problem be forgotten. I cannot sweep this under the rug. Something needs to be done. I can no longer sugar coat my emotions. It’s just it is easy to lie about feelings, However it’s no longer protecting me doing so

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5 thoughts on “Just to summarize…

  1. hope your therapy session is productive, and you get to feeling less aimless, but more grounded and hopefully more focused.

  2. bonnie et al
    Just stumbled across your fine blog. Hoping tomorrows session goes ok for you and that you dont get forgotten amongst all the rest of your system. I know what thats like believe me! If you’d like you can check out our blog and follow…looking forward to new posts from you now that I’m a follower! XX

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