What a long day, being woken after what seems like only minutes of sleep by my SOs stupid alarm, then taking nearly two hours to manage simply getting out of bed. I haven’t even got dressed today. I don’t even care. Fuck what society says i should do. I’ve listened to music most of the day, and am listening again now. I only stopped because my friend came with her kids whilst my SO went to collect fireworks for tomorrow. Then i made us all some food. It was pretty rubbish, but i don’t really care all that much. Me and friend had a random chat! Just been normal for a short period of time. They went a little while ago, so yeah, here i am again. Listening to music. I don’t know what i want to listen to! I’m kind of in a racey music mood, but with singing and stuff. Not just stupid trance or something. I don’t know what will satisfy my need.
My alter parts are enjoying the music. Loudness helps them relax. I always play through earphones too so i can try block out the world a little. This is my bubble.
I am seeing T tomorrow! Have no idea what i am going to say. I don’t know how she will bring me out of this state i am in. It’s stupid because another part will probably take over, say everythings fine, the moment has passed. Meanwhile i’ll be fantasising about gaping cuts and scratches, because yet again i have let my problem be forgotten. I cannot sweep this under the rug. Something needs to be done. I can no longer sugar coat my emotions. It’s just it is easy to lie about feelings, However it’s no longer protecting me doing so