Settled, for now

Had a nice day yesterday, we spent the afternoon with my big brother, his partner and my 6 month old niece Elodie. Went to Nandos, (that place is rubbish) had a burger, then went into the shops, i wanted to look at espresso machines, they were all too expensive. I did buy a new Tefal frying pan though, because my stepsons GF has killed my old one. Then we went back to my brothers house for coffee and stuff. It was nice. Just a chilled out day.

Our friends M and A came to ours when we got home. With the kids. Love them kids soooo much. 🙂 Was great to see them. Always good to have a natter with M too. She chats about as much shit as i do. I changed my blog too, incase you hadn’t noticed. New header image, and changed the background colour. I was bored of it as it was. I added a section for our poems, and updated our about section and stuff. So yeah.

That’s how exciting my life is!

Had work today, cleaning the offices. Didn’t even get up til after 3pm! That’s what insomnia does to you! Did offices though, then went to see Pauls mum. We had a good chat really. She kind of has reservations about me and Paul trying for kids, and i was worried that she didn’t approve or want us to. We’ve talked though, T said we should talk about it when i saw her Friday, so yeah i took that advice and it has improved the situation. I know i have Pauls mums support. It means alot to me.

After his mums, we visited M and A. Paul cut A’s hair, lol. It was erm, lovely! Not perfect and looked like he’d done it at home, but hey ho. It’s done. Kids were both asleep though 😦 We watched Mr Bean, AWESOME. i wanted to sit and watch it all but Paul said we had to come home. Pfft. So now here i am.

I’ve e-mailed t. Just about our EMDR work, and my mums b’day really. I think the EMDR on the first memory we’ve worked on may have been successful because the memory has no emotion attached right now, but maybe i did it wrong. I dunno. T will say so though when i see her on Friday. We are in a pickle though over my Mothers birthday. We decided a few month back to cut all contact with her. I’ll fill in on that some other time. So i wanna send her a card, because i want her to know i didn’t forget, but i don’t want her to think she still has a hold on me! Or that i am apologising because i didn’t do anything wrong.  I care and wish she was different but i don’t want her to know i care. I wish i could just forget about her, but i can’t she is my mother. I just can’t have anything to do with her because she will never be different. I can’t not send a card, for her birthday. She forgets mine, but i am different to her. I don’t even know what i’m saying. Why do i care? She sure doesn’t. I think i care because she has conditioned me to be like this… I wish so bad i could just ignore my parents. I must just like to punish myself. I’m a fucking idiot.

Fuck this shit!

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