I wonder if T ever thinks about us in between sessions. Like we think about her. I need Friday to hurry up and come. I need 3pm on Friday to hurry up and come. I need T to bring me back to earth. Today has been 100% rubbish. I havr felt like I’ve been in a whirlwind all day. Unable to ground myself. I tried having time to myself, ignoring everyone, talking, I got nowhere near the feeling I wanted. No peace at all. To top that off I had work today. At the offices. Its a perfect excuse to be alone though. Being at work. Where I can ignore everything.
To be honest i wished today I hadn’t have had to even wake up.
I went to the dentist today too, just to get a form to register. Getting there to pick up that form was enough to prove to myself that my last dentist who I recently left has absolutely terrified me of dentists. I was panicking like buggery all the way there walking into the dentist office and couldn’t breathe until I’d left. I really do believe that last dentist has like damaged me mentally or something. He’s put the fear of god into me. I will add that before him. I wasn’t scared of dentists at all. Not even a little bit. Not only has he made me frightened he’s fucked my teeth up. Im not even getting into it… fuck this shit
I just proper cannot cope today. I want to just sleep and stay asleep until Friday. I want to wake up and not need the dentist. I want to wake up and my tooth be fixed and it not get me so sad and worried that I cry. I wish T could fix me. She would know what tondo. I can’t even telp her about the dentist stuff. I don’t even know why I can’t. It makes me feel stupid. Real stupid. 😦 I bet she already thinks I am anyway. What with the idiotic shit she hears me come out with.
Aaaaargh I’m just not worthy. She doesn’t need the shit I’m causing her. I don’t know why she bothers. I am too broken for anyone to fix. Every passig day I am just becoming more broken.