So 2012 is over and 2013 has begun. Should i celebrate? I guess i can celebrate that i have kasted another year and mourn the fact that i have to survive this next year and all fit brings. Christmas and new year is not a particularly good time of year for me. I am not one for parties and getting drunk. So iy all just another day for me where i wabted to be let at peace! Didnt happen thougb. We had friendsbover for new years eve. Just had a take away and chatted crap. Theyre gone now though so im in the bath. Pauls watching tv. Its chill time. We need it. Dunno if we will bother doing anything tomorrow. Im thinking shopping but really can’t be arsed. We will see.

Im on a lets change the house stage. Probably to compensate for my lack of conteol in my mind. Maybe… carpets are coming soon though and ny nice new sofas. Need some curtains and bits and bats. Keep my mind occupied. Aww well. I managed to sell the old sofa. 350 i got. Probs caise it cost me 2k a couple year ago. Damn thing. It was comfy though. Gosh im rambling. To be honest though id rather this than my mind be on badness. The dreams i have are unreal!!! So much badness. I kinda am looking forward to seeing t. Not long now. She always knew what to say. I hope she knows what to say when i dont. Or maybe darent when i first see her again!!! She wished me a merry xmas and a happu new year, how nice, but to be honesy she knows it wont be so. Never know though do you.

I am safe now. Thats good no man can hurt or abuse me. Paul would never hurt me and he loved me back. His family love me. I guess his mum makes up for mine and his stepdad knows i call him my adopted daddy. Some people think its coz of their money. Yeh they are minted but i never even let em buy me anything. I dont want their money just their love. I hated xmas and receiving gifta. I hate being given things. I dont know why but i really do hate it. The more people the worse it is! Im deffo not an i want kind of girl. Even paul says i never ask for anything. He bought me a tablet for xmas and i felt bad so i bought him the next one up. Im just like that. All out for helping others but not so gud at helping myself am i? There is probs an explanation for it. Who knows. Maybe ill ask t when i see her. She will maybe know why i feel that way.

I wonder if she checked whether she still had the video of jessie, and checked the session where we said i dont want to go all the way through. We remember that session after about 10/15 minutes she went and got monica the psychiatrist type women, and had her sit with us. I dunno why. I think t was worried or something. She wanted us to stay a little bit but we persuaded her we were ok to go. I dont remeber why we said i dont want to go though. Maybe she doesnt either? It was t who made us a safe place. With a tree grass a bench and bunnies, and i white picket fence all round it. She drew it too. And she drew a bunny. And smiley faces on our appointment card. She was a good t. Maybe as i am a bit older ill see her differently. Maybe i wont like her now? Cant see why not thougj. She always knewvwhat to sY when she was talking to me and i said ask questions and ill give answers. She knew i couldnt just be outright and say stuff. Likr magic.

Anyway im going. Ebay search time…. occupy us all again.

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