road trip :)

So, today i got an email from T. We should be seeing her on the 18th Jan. She still hasn’t answered questions and i’m still stopping everyone from emailing her. Shivon told her ye whatever in teply to her email and just said to let her know when it’s confirmed. Maybe she will sense we are in a bad place?

I hope so. I need her to say it will all be ok. I feel so bad like she doesn’t want us to email jer. She is probs enjoying the fact that we haven’t cause it gives her time to not think abiut us maybe. Or maybe i’m overthinking things? She said where our appointment would be anyway. I have so many questions i wish i could ask about it but Shivon took over and replied. I’ll just wait until she emails again then ask her them. Jessie still hasn’t drawn her a picture. He’s confused anout the situation. Maybe she’ll put us at ease when we see her? Am i even gonna be able to go with how bad i have been feeling i am not sure. I hope i get to go. I worry though that she will be expecting something that will not arrive. Like she’ll be expecting a different me when really i am just the same. Who knows?? I just wish she’d say i ciuldbhave an email where icould ask questions and she would answer them. A proper answer!! I will make sure i ask her some when i see her.

My significant other will be taking me but he isn’t coming in to talk with me. No way!!! Will he even come? Maybe his mum will come? I will ask i feel safe and loved with her. My others are cagey around paul. We’ll see i think his mum has work and i don’t want her to have to sit and wait for me for an hour by herself. I’m definately not taking both of them! It would look like a family outing! No way. Too much involvement does not work. I learnt that way back when i was seeing t before. Gosh for my age i know too much. I bet most people my age couldn’t even imagine some of the bad scenarios i can. I don’t even mean childhood scenarios either. I mean just how normal every day situations could turn out. Crazy.

So to my blog title. We are having a little road trip. Not far just to leeds. To burger king. Haha. With stevie pauls son. As ya do. The boys have shoved menin the back. So i am blogging, struggling with all the moving too. Gives me something to do though cause i can’t talk to them they have nickelback playing so loud. Paul doesn’t even know i blog. I’m lucky to have him.

He says he is letting me do what i need to do to heal. He lets me read when i want. Stay home when i want. Doesn’t ask questions when i am tapping away on my phone. Isn’t curious about the forum. Some men would thinking i was upto no good. Not my paul though. He has no need to worry either. I’m his. I love him to death. I wanna have a family with him. No he’s not perfect but he’d never hurt me. Never ever! For that i thank him because lets face it, i would be easy to hurt and manipulate!!! Hes a great guy. He’ll clean, let me sleep all day, lets me have stupidly long baths. He has a heart of gold. I love you baby!!! I dedicate this thread to you baby. Thank you.

Right i’m going. Got thumb ache. Toodles.

Now i feel relatively happy.

🙂

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