GOFUNDME

Please feel free to view our GoFundMe page. It kinda feels like I’m begging but, I guess I have to a little! No that;s wrong, I’m just trying my luck I guess!

Being a mother means a lot to me, so I am willing to try anything in the hope of getting there sooner.

Please look/share/donate or pray for us. Do all if you can.

Thank you so much in advance.

http://www.gofundme.com/bonnyandpaul

xxx

Help, if you can.

http://www.gofundme.com/n6aqto?fb_action_ids=10204890929446412&fb_action_types=og.shares&fb_ref=fb_mb_a&fb_source=other_multiline&action_object_map=%5B790479534360058%5D&action_type_map=%5B%22og.shares%22%5D&action_ref_map=%5B%22fb_mb_a%22%5D

Thank you to anyone, just for reading our struggle if nothing else. Your support is priceless.

X

Nervous…

A tad nervous about our appointment with fertility doc tomorrow…. excited too though. Will this be the next step in our journey or not???

On a plus side, younger parts have a new little bear they are over the moon with. mute totally adores it and is taking it to see T tomorrow.

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It’s pink, with big ears andbjust adorably cute.

🙂

Keep fingers crossed for us tomorrow.

Xx

Damn you anxiety….

So and I got to therapy early. Very early. So he said he was going to his Mums and I could just wait in town….

Now I don’t mind waiting around but oh my gosh my tummy is in absolute knots :(:(

Luckily I have my earphones on my coat. Which will keep me and everyone else sane…. Makes me look slightly more normak when I start whispering with myself….

Anxiety is just a killer. I was gonna walk to Starbucks but instead decided on a cheap lavazza cappucino. Now I’m just going to sit here until it’s time for therapy. Eurgh. 

Least I have a cappucino. Although not starbucks 😦

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Laters…

I’m okay!

SO and I have been watching a series on TV called age gap love. It’s about couples who have a big age gap in thir relationships.

SO and I have a 22 year age gap. He is 46 and I am 24. I guess that seems a lot to most but for us it works. People struggled to understand how I could love someone who was similar age to my parents, but despite a lot of reservations. Most can now see that I am with him not because I needed a father figure or because he took advantage of a naive 17 year old, but simply because we fell in love.

I am happy to be with him. As much now, if not more, than when we first met. I think I just dislike men my own age…. Their maturity or lack of is irritating. Granted, my SO isn’t super serious but he isn’t an idiot either.

I feel that I am lucky to have met him. I did so just in time to shape my life in a good way. I was 17, and really, just a stupid teenage girl. With too much knowledge about sex, and wrongs of the world to handle. I was in therapy at the time and remember my T being worried because of his age.

He was like my bliss though. I’d struggled through so much then met him and it seemed all okay. He was married at the time. With a 13/14 year old child. Yes I was his bit on the side. We didn’t want it to be like that. He wanted to end it with me but couldn’t. I’m happy that he couldn’t.  Obviously things happened, he and his wife seperated and our relationship blossomed into something amazing.

He saved me from a slippery slope. I’d begun smoking cannabis, taking amphetamine and I’ll be honest, try to fuck any man that wanted me. I don’t know what I was trying to prove to myself. Bg having sexual relations with so many guys, luckily I never contracted anything.

Even luckier I met my SO. He was going to be another notch on my bed post. I’d never intended to love him. Not at all. I was making sense of the world, using men as they had used me as a child. It was always older men too. To be honest my SO was probably one of the youngest at 39 years old. I’d almost begun a relationship with a man of 46. He was too weak though. I manipulated him and soon got bored. He needed me to mother him and I couldn’t.  I thought I wanted a man I could own but no, I didn’t.

My SO was a jack the lad kind of guy. Charming too. He just had a presence. That he’d not be lead where he didn’t want to be. Something just made me badly want him. A few days after meeting him I just changed. No more casual sex. I only wanted him. No more smoking or drinking.

Honestly moving in with him was amazing. We had nothing. Just each othet but I was gaining so much. Going from my Mothers home, a mental disaster to somewhere I could be happy. I felt amazing. Happy to be alive.

We’ve not always been perfect though. We bicker a little but never argue, and there has been stages where we push each other away. We stayed strong though. Came out the other side. Through love!!

I’m happy. I’m allowed to be happy. I have a partner who loves me. A stepson whom despite his age been near my own I care so much about. An amazing home to call mine. My fabulous adopted family, and my dogs. I feel lucky. This part of my life makes me feel happy to be alive.

Been happy feels amazing!!!